Thoughts 1: Encouragement
I remember as a child I was always encouraged to talk. As we all are I suppose, or those of us fortunate enough to have some semblance of a normal up bringing. I found that as you get older the encouragement is misdirected and misguided not to say what you want but to say what they want. They, not being your parents anymore. A teacher, a boss, a person that somehow feels superior to you because of age. Now that I am older I know for a fact that age does not dictate knowledge or experience. Age dictates time. Well spent or just spent. I have superiors at work that quite honestly are just not above me at a level id feel comfortable to listen to. There is no age or knowledge there that makes me feel confident in what they say.
As a child we challenge everything. We want to discover anything and we believe in nothing unless theres a reward pending. Santa Claus, God, the tooth fairy. All watching and waiting for you to do something in return of something you are suppose to want. As an adult all of this becomes nothing. You know ore and hence you care less about that then you do about paying the bills. Today I worked so hard to pay the bills that it drained me from creating anything. From riding my motorcycle to feel something other then the need to be successful. Success is measured individually. What makes you happy doesn’t make me feel anything at all. I know a lot of successful people that aren’t happy. I know a lot of people that have nothing but a 9-5 with payment after payment but a smile. See success for some people is the ability to coexist with others while not feeling like your drowning. Be able to stay a float. Success to me would be defined as the ability to do as I please when I please and for that to cover the cost of living a good life. The objective truth is financial security is the good life. My truth is that personal and unending growth is the good life. Living the life of a child. The ability to stay curios and stay wondering. The ability to want, understand , know and grow. Seeing isn’t believing if imaging can make you see what lies ahead as long as you literally pave that path. My past doesn’t matter or my present if you truly want to know me. I can tell you how I something happened to me and my reaction and that would give you a Segway into who I was a th that moment based on what I had already gone through that I no longer remember. If the exact same thing were to happen again I might act completely different thus changing once again your perception of who I am. So don’t judge me by my past and if you are so inclined, don’t judge me at all but just get to know me. I judge and I don’t care. Not that I judge and odnt care that I do, I judge in the sense of having a unmerited opinion based not on first impression but simply on first sight. Not fair right. The, "I don’t care" part is essential because it means that I don’t truly believe that what I think or said in passing is truly you either way. I just had a thought and put it out there to see if I was right. I won’t treat you based on that. I tend to treat people how I want to be treated but how I want to be treated is how people fear other will treat them. Not that I want to get punched or that I’m a masochist. I appreciate those moments of truth between two people. The truth about why your single. The facts about what you’re insecure about. Ill tell you the most uncomfortable thing about myself and all you do is look at me in disgust or aw and act like you yourself don’t have these thoughts. Why? I will never comprehend the acts of bullshit.